On Glitter
It must suck to work in a glitter factory. Because
you’d have to tell people, “Hey. I work at a
glitter factory.”
You’d always have some stray piece of glitter on you. People would be like, “Dude, you’ve got something on your face. Is that glitter? Dude.”
“That? That’s not glitter, that’s...sand. A lone grain of shiny blue sand.”
You try to wipe it off. Now you have a piece of glitter on your hand. You only succeed in moving it from surface to surface. You ever just find a random piece of glitter on yourself? It’s like “What the hell? Where did that come from?” Then you back track and try and figure out when you managed to pick up the mysterious fleck. I found a piece of glitter on me the other day that I can only assume has been there since the second grade.
I bet it’s always a party inside a glitter factory.
What if a glitter factory blew up ? It would be beautiful...but terrible at the same time. People wouldn’t know if it was a disaster or a party. That shit would be worse than an oil spill to clean up, though. You’d have Greenpeace volunteers trying to clean glitter off birds. People would be like, “Hey, look at that gay bird.”
You know what confetti is? Big glitter.
I hate it when girls where that glitter lotion. I want to say, “Wow. You look like Christmas. A really slutty Christmas.”
You’d always have some stray piece of glitter on you. People would be like, “Dude, you’ve got something on your face. Is that glitter? Dude.”
“That? That’s not glitter, that’s...sand. A lone grain of shiny blue sand.”
You try to wipe it off. Now you have a piece of glitter on your hand. You only succeed in moving it from surface to surface. You ever just find a random piece of glitter on yourself? It’s like “What the hell? Where did that come from?” Then you back track and try and figure out when you managed to pick up the mysterious fleck. I found a piece of glitter on me the other day that I can only assume has been there since the second grade.
I bet it’s always a party inside a glitter factory.
What if a glitter factory blew up ? It would be beautiful...but terrible at the same time. People wouldn’t know if it was a disaster or a party. That shit would be worse than an oil spill to clean up, though. You’d have Greenpeace volunteers trying to clean glitter off birds. People would be like, “Hey, look at that gay bird.”
You know what confetti is? Big glitter.
I hate it when girls where that glitter lotion. I want to say, “Wow. You look like Christmas. A really slutty Christmas.”
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