I watched a decent amount of the Olympics these past couple of weeks. This is a big step up from four years ago when I watched exactly 0 minutes of them in Athens. Based on what I watched, I’ve come away with the following conclusions:

US men’s soccer needs to get their shit together and start performing like the women.
16 year old Chinese women look like 12 year old Chinese girls.
Volleyball players must celebrate after every-single-point.
US track and field makes me sad.
Water polo, boxing, women’s basketball, and field hockey are boring as fuck.
The tallest and shortest Olympians, both Chinese, are separated by exactly 3 feet.
No matter how unattractive you are, if you win 8 gold medals, women everywhere thing you are sexy.
Shawn Johnson is more adorable than kittens, puppies, and the Coca-Cola polar bear combined.

And speaking of Shawn Johnson, it it just me or is Amy Adams exactly what Shawn Johnson will look like when she gets older?

Why is it that when people on the east coast talk about the west coast, they say “out west” but when people on the west coast talk about the east coast, they say “back east” even if they’ve never been east?

This is particularly true when talking about moving or family, as in, “I have an uncle out west” or “Yea, I’m moving back east.”

And why is Texas considered the west when it’s really smack dab in the middle of the country? Do people in California consider it the west?

I’m fiercely against the practice of wearing solid colored tee shirts by fat people. Have you ever see a really obese person laboriously walking down the street in a bright, over-sized orange shirt? Where’s the rest of the Fruit of the Loom guys? Actually, I don’t think there’s an orange Fruit of the Loom…but what if that shirt was…purple? They’d be like one really, really big grape…or a plum. A plum with a hot dog it its hand. I feel like they’re just begging to be made fun of, and that’s not cool ‘cause it’s never funny making fun of fat people...unless there aren’t any fat people around.

And whatever food you’re eating is not allowed to match the color of your shirt. I once saw a really fat guy in an orange shirt eating an orange? Just kidding, that’s not true. Fat people don’t eat fruit.

It could be worse though. That shirt could be soaking wet (see Six Flags in the summer). That can’t be comfortable. I know I’m uncomfortable looking at it. Their shirt is all suctioned to their body. It looks like their belly button is trying to swallow their shirt.

You never see really fat people doing roofing.

I just feel like obese people are the last people that need to be riding those motorized grocery carts, you know. If you get out of breath walking around a grocery store, that’s a hint and a half that that you need to be doing a bit more walking. And the messed up thing is, have you seen how small the little basket is on the front of those things? Ironic. That thing’ll hold exactly one loaf of bread, a half gallon of milk and an egg. Sometimes someone is there to help them, though. This is the Spotter. They’re responsible for pushing another cart next to them. This person always looks miserable.

But not as miserable as me when I get stuck behind them.

I’m happy to say that in a recent online poll by the AJC, the t-shirt I designed for the Peachtree Road Race in 2002 was voted the All-Time Favorite. I don’t get anything for it, just a temporarily swollen ego. Next week I can go back to questioning myself daily.

I’ve entered the design contest 4 more times since my design was chosen in 2002 and haven’t gotten lucky again. So this was a nice surprise.

“The Peachtree Road Race is a renowed event and for participants the T-shirt is a coveted prize that is worn with pride. The personality of the event is a collection of all those involved and is reflected in the T-shirt designs. The designs are often bold and powerful, energetic and straightforward. They evoke feelings of speed and pulse with excitement. It is clear that the artists wish to communicate with and relate to the race participants.”
— The Common Thread, 35 Years of the Peachtree Road Race T-Shirt

Waitresses always call me hon’...or sweetie. “What can I get you hon’?” “How are we doing to today, sweetie?” I don’t know why, but it feels a little condescending to me. It’s like the equivalent of saying “lady” to a woman. They hate that don’t they? The funny thing is, simply add the letter “a” before it and everything is fine. Call a woman “lady” and watch out. Call a woman “a lady” and she’s complimented.

The opposite is true for sshole. If you call someone sshole, they’re like “Hey, that’s innocuous. Cool.” Add an “a” too that though and they get pissed off. Weird.